Do you know what I am doing today? (Pretend that I am a recent graduate of a large collge and have more money than sense.) I am flying to a college bowl game. College. Bowl. Game. Apparently, this is somehow mediated by the fact that we are using miles to do this and can stay with relatives. This only works because my husband doesn't say anything when I leave the t.v. on an episode of Real Housewives that he knows I've already seen.
The thing is, its seems to me that there are so many bowl games that you have to really super suck to not be in one. I know this because even my little school that never wins games is in a bowl game this year. Peach Bowl, Cotton Bowl, Fed Ex Bowl, Meth Bowl, Dunkin' Donuts Bowl. (I have been preoccupied with meth ever since my trip to Albuquerque earlier this year. Even the gas station pumps have reminders to go easy on the meth. Fascinating.)
My point is this - You don't see the Real Housewives franchise branching out to Fargo or Amarillo. That would cheapen it. So I am just saying that the college football league, or whatever it is called, could take a lesson from the Bravo network and keep it to just a handfull of bowls.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I wanna go
Today my son has a playdate with the kid who did his second grade science project on cannabis. Today my son is going to have a better day than me.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
For Real?
Is this the Twilight Zone? Punked? Some modern day Candid Camera? Seriously, because it is just way too strange around here for this to be real life.
Over Christmas, the employees (meaning everybody but the contract employees) did a Secret Santa $10 limit gift exchange. Sometimes I am extra glad to be a contract employee because I get out of stuff like half-day seminars about employee benefits and the Secret Santa $10 limit gift exchange. (That's 2 Starbucks coffees people. I could give you a lovely bar of gift soap, or I could have 2 coffees. I think we all know what's better for everyone in that scenario because I assume you already have soap.)
Anyway, because the most exciting part of my job (besides the coffee sitting on my modular office furniture) is listening to all of the conversations around my cube, I come to find out that a lot of my fellow cube dwellers ALSO gave their supervisors gifts in addition to participating in the Secret Santa $10 limit gift exchange. Is that supreme sucking up or what? When I was in a law firm, the associates never got the partners gifts. Except maybe if the associates were in really good spirits, we would refrain from flipping off the partners as they left our offices (or not). Sometimes the secretaries made the lawyers some Chex Mix or cookies, but the gifts, if any, flowed down, not up. This allows the earth to continue to spin in the correct direction.
In other bizarre news, although I am not in the class of employees eligible for employee benefits such as the 401(k) and the Secret Santa $10 limit gift exchange, I am, apparently, required to participate with the regular employees in the annual practice of a self-evaluation performance review. I file papers, but I suppose I could stretch that out to a review.
To: Human Resources. From: AG
"This coming year, I will try to file papers faster and more accurately. I was filing the company's documents based on the color of the paper, then by font size, but if you think that alphabetizing them by client would be more appropriate, I am nothing but a team player. While I have the floor, I would like to request a company wide policy that any correspondence to me from a fellow employee, or to the outside world from this company, not be signed with "namaste," "aloha," or "live laugh love."Just a thought. XO, Loves ya!!!!!!! AG.
Over Christmas, the employees (meaning everybody but the contract employees) did a Secret Santa $10 limit gift exchange. Sometimes I am extra glad to be a contract employee because I get out of stuff like half-day seminars about employee benefits and the Secret Santa $10 limit gift exchange. (That's 2 Starbucks coffees people. I could give you a lovely bar of gift soap, or I could have 2 coffees. I think we all know what's better for everyone in that scenario because I assume you already have soap.)
Anyway, because the most exciting part of my job (besides the coffee sitting on my modular office furniture) is listening to all of the conversations around my cube, I come to find out that a lot of my fellow cube dwellers ALSO gave their supervisors gifts in addition to participating in the Secret Santa $10 limit gift exchange. Is that supreme sucking up or what? When I was in a law firm, the associates never got the partners gifts. Except maybe if the associates were in really good spirits, we would refrain from flipping off the partners as they left our offices (or not). Sometimes the secretaries made the lawyers some Chex Mix or cookies, but the gifts, if any, flowed down, not up. This allows the earth to continue to spin in the correct direction.
In other bizarre news, although I am not in the class of employees eligible for employee benefits such as the 401(k) and the Secret Santa $10 limit gift exchange, I am, apparently, required to participate with the regular employees in the annual practice of a self-evaluation performance review. I file papers, but I suppose I could stretch that out to a review.
To: Human Resources. From: AG
"This coming year, I will try to file papers faster and more accurately. I was filing the company's documents based on the color of the paper, then by font size, but if you think that alphabetizing them by client would be more appropriate, I am nothing but a team player. While I have the floor, I would like to request a company wide policy that any correspondence to me from a fellow employee, or to the outside world from this company, not be signed with "namaste," "aloha," or "live laugh love."Just a thought. XO, Loves ya!!!!!!! AG.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Job Search 2009
Ladies and Gentlemen:
My top 5 job search moments of 2009
(1) Showing up for an interview and nobody knowing why I was there. [Although the front desk lady was able to find two partners who showed me the new office furniture.]
(2) Interviewing with a lady for an hour and a half and never receiving any notification that I didn't get the job, other than never hearing from her again. [I am going to go all Emily Post here. You do not have to acknowledge every candidate that applies for a position, but you do you have to send a response to people you call into your office for an interview.]
(3) Being told in a job interview that I really didn't want the job. Many times. [I probably didn't get the job because I agreed that, indeed, I probably didn't want the job.]
(4) Getting a rejection e-mail from a Catholic charity on Christmas Eve. [This would have been even more tragic if I was actually a Catholic, but is kind of wrong even still.]
(5) Getting a rejection e-mail in my gmail account before I even finished the on-line application process. [This is because, in response to the question of whether I had 8 years of experience, I put no. I have just over 7 years of experience, but I am not about to start lying to a potential employer. Perhaps you round up?]
My top 5 job search moments of 2009
(1) Showing up for an interview and nobody knowing why I was there. [Although the front desk lady was able to find two partners who showed me the new office furniture.]
(2) Interviewing with a lady for an hour and a half and never receiving any notification that I didn't get the job, other than never hearing from her again. [I am going to go all Emily Post here. You do not have to acknowledge every candidate that applies for a position, but you do you have to send a response to people you call into your office for an interview.]
(3) Being told in a job interview that I really didn't want the job. Many times. [I probably didn't get the job because I agreed that, indeed, I probably didn't want the job.]
(4) Getting a rejection e-mail from a Catholic charity on Christmas Eve. [This would have been even more tragic if I was actually a Catholic, but is kind of wrong even still.]
(5) Getting a rejection e-mail in my gmail account before I even finished the on-line application process. [This is because, in response to the question of whether I had 8 years of experience, I put no. I have just over 7 years of experience, but I am not about to start lying to a potential employer. Perhaps you round up?]
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Thank God for Catherine and Her Christmas Vodka
We have set a new standard for the holiday. Accordingly, all of the following must now occur in order for us to declare it an official Christmas morning:
(1) Someone must bring up a divorce decree.
(2) Someone over the age of 8 must break down in tears.
(3) Someone must tell someone else that they do not deserve anything from them.
And this all must occur before 9 a.m.
Next year, if my son wakes me up at 5 a.m., instead of telling him to go back to sleep, I am going to get up and start drinking. Thank God for my friend Catherine and her Christmas Vodka.
(1) Someone must bring up a divorce decree.
(2) Someone over the age of 8 must break down in tears.
(3) Someone must tell someone else that they do not deserve anything from them.
And this all must occur before 9 a.m.
Next year, if my son wakes me up at 5 a.m., instead of telling him to go back to sleep, I am going to get up and start drinking. Thank God for my friend Catherine and her Christmas Vodka.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
That's Cold 2
I find it very inappropriate to have received a job rejection e-mail on Christmas Eve.
That's Cold!
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