Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Words of the Semi-Wise Masseuse

I see a masseuse on a monthly basis. Not because I am a glutton but for medical reasons. Really. I have a knot on the left side of my neck that my doctor says is probably causing my daily headaches. And the masseuse found it and she works on it and presses it and induces more pain so you just have to take it on faith that inducing the pain will somehow lead to less pain.

The masseuse and I were talking (because I am so not in touch with my inner zen and there is no way I could peace out for AN ENTIRE HOUR ARE YOU KIDDING ME) and I was asking her what might cause said knot. She looked over at my heap of clothes and accessories in the corner of the room and said, "your fabulous over-sized handbags."

Do you hear what I hear? She is saying I need some new handbags.

She also said that my high heels are bad for my back. Now that's just crazy talk. Those masseuses can get a little loopy. Have you ever tried to walk in flats? Impossible.


  1. Why does your masseuse hate you? I don't understand why she can't just give you a good sensible reason for these inexplicable pains. Maybe something like you're eating too many vegetables? Not enough beach time?