Burning Down the House

The State is on fire.

As much as I prefer a big blue Texas sky or a Carolina beach (or, really, the entire South) to these dry red mountains, it makes me sad that they are on fire.  We have friends who have been evacuated, and places we know and visit and hike have burned. 

I don't think it is helping my headaches, but at least our house isn't in the line of fire, so I can't complain.  I am not going to complain here about the migraine I worked through today.  Nope.  I'm just sayin'. 

Everyone is staying inside to stay out of the smoke. I am watching a new Chopped where all the chefs are from New Orleans.  New Orleans natives are lovely, aren't they?  And while we are on the topic of the Food Network, is everyone else on board with the hipster winning Food Network Star?  Love the hipster. I forget.  What did people watch before Food Network? 

No Thanks I Have A Headache

Y'all.  I've had a headache every single day since we've been back, with three of those days being migraines.  South Carolina was better.

Perhaps I just require sweet tea and "yes ma'am" to feel well.

However.

The fact remains we have to live here for the next ten years minus three month and here gives me a headache.  A constant, sicky headache that no amount of Kate Spade sale on sale can solve.  Trust me.  I tried. 

The Primary Flaw with Fifty Shades of Grey

We are reading Fifty Shades of Grey for book club.  Not the Pi Phi Book Club, naturally, but The Other Book Club.  My sister-in-law read it on family vacation.  She wouldn't hang out with us because she couldn't put the book down.  My other sister-in-law read it through and thought it was so good that she read it again right away. 

Wha?

Because The Other Book Club girls are so excited about this book and are already discussing it ahead of schedule, I figured we would actually be discussing said book on book club night and I made a promise to myself to read it.

I got to page 400 on the plane back from vacation.  My friend can't wait to lend me books 2 and 3.  No.  Please No. 

Because SERIOUSLY.  Did you note the part about where she was dressing for her date and she used a comb to put up one side of her hair.  GIVE YOUR READERS SOME CREDIT.  No woman since the mid-70's has used a comb to decorate/hold up her hair.  And then you think well, hey, wait a minute.  Maybe the book takes place in the 70's.  But no.  The main characters converse via email in parts of the book.

And also I feel a bit wierded out by the fact that so many people are so excited to read about the kneeling and binding and submissive stuff.  Do they not have cable?  Are their lives more exciting than mine?  Am I missing something?  Am I normal?  Because, frankly, I just don't want to read any more about this woman in the play room.  I don't care AT ALL what happend to her in there next.  Or what happens to her and him outside of there.  I could care less about this book.  Someone explain.  Obviously I don't get it because I have used shouting caps and italics to try to describe my confusion here in this post. 

Mmmmm Savannah

I love Savannah. I am a misplaced Southernor. I could live here. I love orange. I could live in the house with the orange door. However, Mizz Paula. Mizz Cora Faye on Colfax Avenue in Denver, Colorado, gives your fried chicken a run for its money. Also, my tummy hurt when I left your restaurant. Also, my vegan stepdaughter could not find anything to eat in your restaurant. That being said, you make a fine biscuit. And my husband declared your peach cobbler the best ever and he knows from peach cobbler being from the South and having it every Sunday after church. Tomorrow, Charleston. Although I was not born there, I was married there, so I reserve the right to be a Carolina Girl. Tomorrow we will visit the beautiful house where we got married, and the cupcake store that catered our wedding. By then the kids will be grumpy and we will head back. But right now, off to start Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.

I Want To Ride My Bicycle

When we were riding bikes around Hilton Head I saw many fantastic purses alligators.

How much fun is riding a bike?  I had a blast and now I want a bike when I go back home.  Except back home there are helmet laws.  It is also hotter back home than it is here in the South (stupid Rocky Mountains) (OH AND ALSO ON FIRE) and I imagine once I attempt to undertake said activity with a helmet I will no longer be a fan.  It's not vanity.  I even really like hats.  It's just that I don't like to exercise while wearing headgear.

Anyway, here in South Carolina where you can be stupid if you want to, I am loving cruising around on a bike, the wind in my hair and the purses lurking in the ponds. 

Shoes! Glorious Shoes!

I only brought one pair of shoes on vacation.  Dort.  Look how artfully they are styled.  If this law and/or franchise thing doesn't work out, I can always become a stylist.  Look out Rachel Zoe.  I am smaller, blonder and smarter than you, and I can also go bananas, literally.

Where were we.  Oh, yes.  These love Coach jelly gladiators that are now on sale for only about 30 bucks. You can wear them with dressy little sundresses, shorts, jeans or even down to the beach because you can just hose the sand right off.  Having brought only one pair of shoes has left me lots of room for bangles, and I am a bangle whore.  Who can resist a Kate Spade bangle that says Rock the Casbah.  Note the lack of question mark as that is a rhetorical question.  

Reverse Calamari

Maybe there was too much pressure on this vacation - With the job and the store, we needed some downtime. Yet I haven't been able to find the vacation groove yet. I spent yesterday trying to get into Fifty Shades of Grey for book club and I want those hours back. My husband and I got in a fight over his family. And my son got food poisoning. Calamari looks the same after it has been in your digestive system for a few hours. Just saying cause I was the one that got to see. However. I do have work to do today, so there's my little break from vacation. You know what though? Shopping does make me feel better. I got the most over the top pink and lime green and tunic dress. I will look so out of place at the Safeway while grocery shopping in the Rocky Mountains amongst the patagonia and the pajamas, but damn if it doesn't make me feel like I own a house being featured in Coastal Living. Tomorrow . . . the only shoes you need for vacation.

If You Can Make It There (And Back)

Last Saturday I was at a cocktail party wherein a lively discussion ensued regarding my upcoming trip to New York and its world class (as in third world) airport, LaGuardia. According to one gentleman, the odds were stacked against me that I would be able to find my rental car, which would be located nowhere near the airport, and that, if I did, I would nevertheless get lost in Queens all the while narrowly averting certain death. I'll admit, I got a little nervous. But then I considered these two things: (1) Nothing is worse than the traffic going to the mountains on I25 on a Saturday morning during ski season. Nothing. (2) The said gentleman was wearing a searsucker suit. I think the odds of someone wearing a searsucker suit getting out of Queens alive are probably different than someone dressed, say, normally. Well guess what. I was in my rental car and out of Queens within half an hour of getting off the plane. I have all my limbs and all my cash. The trick was that the 4 Points Sheraton in Long Island is not off of exit 48 GOOGLE it is off of exit 47. If you take exit 48 you have gone too far. (Note to the 4 Points Sheraton Plainview - I have a carpet steamer if you would like to use it.) Similarly, I made it from Long Island back to LaGuardia WITHOUT INCIDENT. Okay, so I left the parking break off when I returned the car and it rolled back onto the street, but one thing I found is that a Southern accent in New York is as good as being blonde. People just figure you not so smart and they overlook a lot. HOWEVER. First of all. Note to LaGuardia: Less mice in the Terminal B waiting area, more Starbucks. Also, if the guy whose job it is to restock the bins to get your stuff through security goes on break, maybe someone else could step in for him? Maybe. You give that some thought. Note to AirTran. Never. Again. What kind of fly by night operation is this AirTran establishment? They had to get 11 people off the plane before they would fly because we were too heavy. What? What? After an hour, and them threatening to "volunteer" people to get off the plane, 10 people took them up on their offer for a free night at a fine LaGuardia Hotel. Ten. Did you note they needed 11? Since nobody else volunteered, they said that they were going to start taking off suitcases, in no particular order, and if our suitcase wasn't at our final desination that is how we would know ours was one of the suitcases that got removed. Guess who is expecting a call at midnight to tell them whether or not their suitcase made the next flight out? Uh huh.

Get Me Outta Here

There are mice in the waiting area at Laguardia.

They use wee little glasses in the NE

Happy Place

Sitting at the Plainview Diner in Plainview New York. This is the real deal. Couldnt be happier.

Working for the Weekend

Throughout the summer The Franchise is signed up to do a kiosk at a concert every Friday and Saturday and a Farmer's Market every Sunday. Busy busy busy. But, you know, the alternative . . . clean house? garden? None of those things are my thing. I might as well be working. My husband and I had tossed around the idea of a second store. But we just got word that the spot we have identified has already been identified by another franchisee from out of town. Surely they would want the intown people to have the spot. Surely Shirley. I hope you have a great weekend!