Thursday, July 15, 2010

Someone Get Me a Roll of Pennies

When we booked our hotel in Edmonton over the internet, the web page failed to mention that it was attached TO A CASINO.

We're not talking the Bellagio or the Wynn here. We're talking the kind of casino most typically found in places like New Mexico. There are, quite literally, tee pees along the road to the hotel. (Those - also not on the website.) We're talking an establishment proudly touting its limited engagement of Vicki Lawrence. Hmmm. She sounds familiar. Why, why, why. Oh yeah. Mama's Family. The lady that starred in Mama's Family is here.

I'm not a gambler. In fact, I am risk adverse. In fact, when I go to Vegas, I bet on black and red at the same time. And I'm not really a slots person. The machines are always a little slimy. And there is, without fail, the old lady next to you at the slots with the cigarette hanging out of her mouth and the hair that she has taken out of rollers but neglected to brush out so she has little tubes of hair all over her head.

I have been informed, however, that they have a mermaid slot machine here. Just like the one I know and love in Vegas.

Oh the mermaid slot machine. Do you know what happens when you win on the mermaid slot machine? It is computerized, so these little fishies pop up on your screen when you spin a certain combination. Oh they are so cute the little fishies, and they blow bubbles. In the bubbles are numbers that represent how much money you are winning, and if the fishies keep blowing, the bubbles keep getting bigger and bigger and your winnings keep getting bigger and bigger! The little fishies just blow money right onto your screen. And then they swim away. And you keep playing to make the fishies come back. And they do. But they never again blow bubbles with money in them as fast as you can push the spin button. But they will. I have an excellent feeling that they will.


  1. I think we need to see pictures of this mermaid machine!

  2. Here's hoping that the little fishies swim straight upstream to the Lake of Franchise Financing.

    I've been in a casino once. I lost $20 in less than 2 minutes on the first game I played, decided that I was clearly neither skilled nor lucky, and played the role of spectator from thereon out. My friend won $300.