Thursday, May 13, 2010

Yes We Have No Bananas

Stop telling the new-hires that the company provides healthy snacks for its employees when, in fact, there are never any healthy snacks actually provided. Some people may be swayed to accept employment here based on the promise of snacks. Some people. I'm just saying.

I once worked at a law firm where every day at 3:00 they would put out Gardetto's snack mix, chips, mixed nuts, Hershey bars and beer. That, my friends, that is a healthy snack. Why did I quit that job? They also had muffins delivered every morning and everybody would peel the top off the muffins and leave the bottoms in the box.

Seriously, why did I quit that job? It was perfectly fine but I left because some other attorney promised me that if I came to work for him that he and I would become the go-to team across the nation for our area of the law. (I asked him about the snack situation during my interview and he said there was wine and cheese once a week. Once a week. I should have known then.) He laid me off 9 months later. The moral? Never turn your back on the one that provides the Hershey bars and beer.

(Incidentally, the snack food firm also laid off a large number of associates later that year. And stopped providing muffins. But I'm told that those that remain still get Hershey bars and beer. I don't even like Hershey bars, or really even beer. Unless they are free and it is 3:00.)


  1. I could totally dig a pavlovian need for beer and hershey's at 3. That sounds lovely. And I hate beer.

  2. I left a firm that had the following:

    1) a conference room converted INTO A BAR, complete with two stocked bar fridges, allowing each attorney to keep one favorite on hand at all times;
    2) provided free breakfast (cereal, fruit, granola bars)
    3) Provided lunch to associates once a month
    4) Provided free soda to associates
    5) Had a monthly seminar involving awesome catering
    6) Had firm outings at fancy restaurants, games, etc.
    7) Had X-mas parties at Maggianos/Brazzazz

    It was pretty much awesome. Too bad everyone there was mean and catty to new associates.