Sleeping with Spiders

I have not one but two spider bites on my shoulder. Both bites are the same size, so we are going to assume this was the work of a lone spider, and not a posse of them. This is terrifying on so many levels.

I suspect that (1) it was either living in my shirt in the closet and bit me when I got dressed, or (2) crawled on me while I was sleeping. Neither is the better answer.

If it crawled on me while I was sleeping, it probably either lives in my ear now or it crawled in my mouth and I ate it. The bites are only inches from my face. It had to go somewhere from my shoulder. I knew an ER doc who said he spent a lot of his time fishing insects out of ears. Do you ever hear a clicking in your ear? Bug.

I had a college roommate who was bitten by a brown recluse spider and it was later discovered by the bug guy that her web (the spider, not the roommate, although she was kind of creepy too) was behind our stereo. And here's the thing, he wouldn't remove the web with the nest of babies - something about waiting for the mama spider to come back to it or something - I don't remember the whole story because that was all I needed to hear to move back in with my parents.

However, my parents shortly thereafter had a spider living on the front of their house that was so big that they called the zoo. This thing was the size of a rat - God's honest truth. People walking or driving by would stop and gawk at it. The zoo came out and then proclaimed they didn't want it because they already had one. So what do you do about that? One day it just up and left. If it went Southwest, it would have needed to buy two seats.

The moral of this story - if you have a spider issue, you are pretty much on your own. Neither the zoo nor the bug guy cares.

I guess its better than getting bitten by a killer whale.