We have set a new standard for the holiday. Accordingly, all of the following must now occur in order for us to declare it an official Christmas morning:
(1) Someone must bring up a divorce decree.
(2) Someone over the age of 8 must break down in tears.
(3) Someone must tell someone else that they do not deserve anything from them.
And this all must occur before 9 a.m.
Next year, if my son wakes me up at 5 a.m., instead of telling him to go back to sleep, I am going to get up and start drinking. Thank God for my friend Catherine and her Christmas Vodka.
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