What next? And why isn't it happening fast enough?

No, the title does not refer to the relief efforts in Port-au-Prince. Brad and Angelina are on it. The Red Cross is also on it. There is no humor to be found in a disaster area that can be seen from outer space. Much like I am sure you have done, I hugged my loved ones a little longer and thought about how fragile we are (Sting may have said that first) and how your life can be completely uprooted and turned on its head in just one day. Accordingly, considering such thoughts, I do find the following appropriate . . .

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I have been thinking a lot lately about what it would look like if I was fully living and loving my life.

I have been thinking that, if money and long term planning was not a consideration, I would tell my husband to secure that offer in Thailand. I could write all about it on Decisions on Margaritas, Thailand Edition. The move would be an extraordinary adventure and I could focus on the two things that are really important to me, my husband and my son. And I would have all the time in the world to explore and read and write.

As the law job rejections continue to roll in, I start to feel less and less like a lawyer. The knowledge is slipping away. The drive to get out there and be a part of the business world is slipping away.

Yesterday, however, I was invited to attend a meeting and at that meeting we discussed a law. The particular law was a very important part of my former practice. For the first time in a very long time, I felt alive in a way I had forgotten I could feel alive. A spark fired and I remembered how great it felt to be a lawyer sometimes.

I don't miss billable hours. I don't miss grumpy partners. But I really do miss practicing law. Right now, I just don't know what to strive for, but I do know that feeling numb isn't living.

In my 20s and 30s, the answer was always at the bottom of a pitcher of margaritas. But then again, that's how I ended up deciding I wanted to go to law school. 50K debt and a lay-off later . . . I need a margarita!