Friend Stalker

I drive by two perfectly good Starbucks to get to my favorite Starbucks. There is a barista at this particular location that is very friendly, and she froths the milk better than anyone else.

Because I am at the Starbucks at all sorts of random times, we have had the opportunity to chat and get to know each other. I felt a particular kindship for her because our situations are somewhat similar. She is a downsized CPA and now under-employed (although one might argue, given the perfection of her frothing, she has found her calling).

What started out as a barista-customer relationship grew into lunch buddies. Then she started to call. All good, right? This is what friends do.

But then every conversation was about the same thing - her match.com dates and, after one date, whether this was the guy she was going to marry. Intense attraction right at first, and then deep despair when they stopped calling. Over and over and over again. She would call me to analyze every text, including ones that said such basic things as good morning. I explained that she was too intense over little things, and she was driving the men away. But still, same story, phone calls at all hours of the day and night. Calls at work, and when I stopped picking up my direct line, she went through the front desk. Then she started buying me little things.

I tried to take a break. The other morning she called at 6:30 and I ignored it, then again at 6:35. Then again a minute later. Given the hour, I began to wonder if she was having car trouble or really did need some help, so I answered.

She said, "Did you not see my number when I called?"
"I did," I said, "but I was busy."
"I just wanted to know what you wanted me to fix you for lunch."

Oh dear God.